What to do When a Caregiver Needs Care
National Caregiver Day was on April 7th, but for some people it is a reality every day, so it is important to highlight the significant mental health toll that caregiver burnout is taking on Canadians. We know that the population in Canada is aging, with 1 in 4 Canadians now providing care to adults with long term conditions and disabilities (more info here). Across Canada, unpaid caregivers are not only offering hands-on physical support, but also carrying the emotional burden and financial costs that come with caring for a loved one.
Here at Hold to Heal Psychotherapy, we often see how caregivers experience anxiety, stress, and fear. Many describe feeling alone in their responsibility, as though the weight of their loved one’s well-being rests entirely on their shoulders. Over time, this emotional strain can quietly build. When individuals experience burnout, it manifests in feelings of constant exhaustion, irritability, and results in them neglecting their own self care.
Cultural Differences
In collectivist cultures, there is an expectation from birth that children will take care of their parents, grandparents, and anyone else who needs it. While this is a lovely idea, highlighting the interconnectedness between parent and child and the cycle of life, it is a lot of pressure to live with. It can be a comfort to know that your elderly relatives will always be cared for, but when the responsibility falls to you, it can be daunting. Additionally, some conditions are too severe to be treated within the home, and the caregiver can feel like a failure if they must take the elder to a facility with medical professionals.
There is also a potential here for conflict within intercultural relationships. For example, if one partner has always assumed they will take care elderly relatives into their home, only to be met with confusion or resistance from a partner who did not expect several new roommates, it will add tension to an already difficult time. This is something that should be discussed long before it is relevant, so that no one is making decisions in a rush.
Why are there so many caregivers right now?
Canada’s population is aging, meaning that there are more elderly people to care for than ever before. 50 years ago, people aged 65+ made up less than 10% of the population, while today that demographic includes almost 20% of the total population. This is a huge jump, and it looks like it will only become a larger percentage as time goes on.
Caregiving is extra taxing for one group, called the “sandwich generation.” This doesn’t refer to people born between certain years, but to anyone who is the caregiver of an adult and a child at the same time – such as someone looking after their elderly parent and their own children. This is happening so frequently due to a combination of the number of aging people and people having children later in life. The mental toll of coordinating the lives of an elderly family member, children, and (for many) their paid jobs can be immense.
How can caregivers in Canada cope with burnout and the impact on their own mental health?
First, seek connection with others to reduce isolation. Many caregivers feel solely responsible and alone. Get connected with friends, family, faith, communities, and caregiver support networks so that you don’t have to feel alone.
Second, prioritize micro self care. Self care doesn’t have to mean a full day away. It can look like a brief walk outside, eating regular meals, having coffee with a friend, or attending your own medical appointments. Prioritizing self care can enhance and calm the nervous system, helping the body and mind reduce stress.
Lastly, seek professional support. Caregiving can bring deep love and meaning, but it can also carry grief, anticipatory loss, fear, and even resentment. Speaking with a therapist provides a confidential space to name and explore these feelings without guilt or judgment. When caregivers are able to process their emotional experience, shame often decreases, clarity increases, and they feel less alone in the weight they’ve been carrying. You can contact us here. Or make an appointment directly here.
How Can I Help?
If someone you love is acting as a caregiver to someone else in their life, it’s important to be aware of the signs of burnout and, when possible, offer to help with their workload.
Being a caregiver to a loved one is a beautiful extension of the proverb “it takes a village to raise a child.” In this case, it would be more accurate to say that a caregiver is a big part of the village for their parent, sibling, adult child, relative, or friend, not to raise but to care for and support. You can be part of the village for the caregiver, who will also need the help and encouragement of those around them.
If you have a loved one who is a caregiver, make sure that you let them know that they are doing a good job, that they have your support, and that they can come to you if they ever need help or a listening ear. Since many caregivers feel alone and unprioritized, help them see that they are important to you and that you will not be letting them stay lonely!
Keep an eye out for signs of burnout:
looking, acting, or seeming unusually tired
being irritable
feeling less of a sense of accomplishment
losing interest or enthusiasm for doing things they usually enjoy
acting detached or isolated
If you notice any of these, you can express love and concern, and gently suggest that they take a little break - here it often helps to say something like “let’s go get coffee tomorrow while your spouse is home to care for your mom,” because saying something like “you need to take a break!” will just add to their to-do list, and will never actually be done.
Later, after they are a little less burnt out, perhaps you can help them brainstorm ways to lighten their load in the longer-term, like dropping a less important responsibility or hiring a cleaning service.
Michelle Talked About This on the News!
Michelle spoke on Global news on the morning of National Caregiver Day, April 7th. She discussed the isolation, exhaustion, and weight of being responsible for someone’s care. She also emphasized what signs to look for and what may help, including self care and professional support.
